Taboo

Finally, i remembered. What a week it has been. Here i am, sitting on my lazy ass out on the verandah amidst the thick smog surrounding the Malaysian atmosphere stuffing myself with muh love Godiva and reading my new book "The Concubine's Tattoo". Very intimate i must say, and boy wat intriguing nitty-gritty I discovered bout Japanese men!

Bending close, Chamberlain Yanagisawa whispered to Shisaburo. Inhaling the boy's fresh, youthful scent, Yanagisawa felt his manhood lift within his loincloth. He finally finished conveying his orders, then let his tongue trace the delicate whorl of Shisaburo's ear...

T-a-b-o-o! *ewww* Tsk tsk :p

Good riddance

I woke up this morning feeling like I had a total makeover. Total psychological makeover I would say. Well I reckon it is now safe to say that my depression is finally o-v-e-r! I mean, the phase is nearing its end. Muahahaha And because I like to be illustrative in the things I do, I have taken the trouble to display my time of depression in the graph below (or timeline if you'd like to call it). I think it's just too much Decision Analysis and RDA that my mind has gone so bonkers that everything is mathematically and graph-ically related. Sighz. The pity of it all.


Timeline Of My Depression 

NB. If you are experiencing difficulties viewing the image, please either...
- Get your glasses fixed (OR)
- Contact the Technical Dept. at 1-800-HELP

Anyways, as I was saying, the graph basically illustrates my time of depression since about a month ago till today. I will briefly explain each point on the graph:-

(i) Received news that my "mother-in-law" is coming to Melb for a visit. Onset of depression.
(ii) Arrival of the "mother-in-law". Approaching peak of depression.
(iii) Time without my booboo *SOB*. Peak of depression.
(iv) Convinced myself things werent so bad. Look forward to happier times. Onset of craziness.
(v) Stress + Sick = Manic Depression.
(vi) After a series of ups and downs, and a vast "recovery", I woke up one day to realize again booboo is not next to me. *ping* Depression mode was triggered. Cannot see booboo today. Depression mode is ON.
(vii) Finally, after so long, as I came into grip with my senses, the line gradually approaches zero which means depression gradually ceases to exist.

*phew* What a roller-coster ride. Let's just hope it stays in Neverland where it belongs and not come back ever. Hmmm what I need now is my FAT to come back that I have lost during this period of insecurity, tergiversation and depression. :p

Time away has taught me that...

Ok, the time away from home and away from my huns (applicable to some) has taught me that...

(1) Many students like to pretend that they are rich. And spend recklessly with their parents' hard earned money to enhance their reputation away from home (no names mentioned)

(2) Most Malaysians roam around in herds consisting of three to ten. And they feel sorry for you if you're seen having lunch or going to the cinemas alone.

(3) It is possible to stay home alone (which leads me to the next point)

(4) It is possible to sleep without my huns and with the lights off

(5) There is no escape from family spies

(6) The sun only shines 1560 hours a year

(7) Cooking by yourself especially when you are sick is upsetting

(8) Nachos flooded with baked beans and salsa, topped with melted cheese and a dollop of sour cream is the food of the gods (my booboo's ingenious creation) :p *yummmm*

(9) Desire is the driving force of all human action

(10) There are alot more other ppl (out there) who are considerate enough to care for you in times of need. Booboo, dad, mum, sis, gran, aunt, uncles, are the exception.

Ghosts

I read Trish's blog this morning and the thought kept lingering around my mind over lunch wif my huns today. Like she said, it does make you wonder how people deal with the ghosts and closet skeletons that they carry.

"Do they really deal with them or do these things still lurk around deep inside? If people can live their lives not being bothered by them? Do places, people, things remind them of their ghosts? Guilt, pain, sadness, lost loves, lost ones..."

During my time of solitary, I have thought about things in the past, the current and the future. It is also times like these which drives me to do or think crazy things. I miss my huns dearly. Today's lunch session with him was by far my happiest moment this week, satisfying but not fully contented. I looked at the man in front of me who was so anxiously pouring all the chocolate chips into the suckao and wondered to myself if I was lucky to be loved by someone like him. There's no denying he is a cutie. :) In the past, my one relationship which I had poured my heart and soul out was with Dion. At that time, it was more than a relationship that I thought we shared. It was just like a fairytale thing. Maybe coz it was my first "real" relationship. My huns would tease me sometimes about my relationship with Dion, which I for some reasons find it "sadistically" pretty funny. :p True enough Dion and I had shared more than there ever could in a relationship during our time together, but that was in the past.

There are times in the past (before I met Shaun), when I might have missed those moments. But with Shaun now, I have not dwelled in the past for awhile. All I do is look forward to the future that we may someday share together, as more than just a couple we are now. My huns loves me for who I am and not for my ghosts. He has been my pillar of strength through out and I respect him as a friend, as a boyfriend and as my "soulmate" (bwahaha). Being the naive and passionate lover I am, we complement each other in ways we could not have envisaged in the beginning. Life, has never felt so right.

Whole Lotta Barf

I feel like shit. I threw up non-stop yesterday nite for 3ish hours straight and was half unconscious at the end of that 3 hours. Thank goodness for friends like Edmund who was willing to buy dinner for me and bring it up to my place, or else I wud haf just died of hunger. I did try to cook dinner, however I ended up burning myself twice because I couldnt lift the kettle up. I just gave up. Nowadays, it's either non-stop crying or non-stop throwing up. I'm a total emotionally-unbalanced-puking wreck.

Went to see the doc today after not being able to control myself anymore. Even she couldnt figure out wat's wrong wif me. Aaarrghh. Now you all may think that it's some psychological thing. Yes i know. I've tried that many times. I go for walks, I try to clear my mind and think of happy thoughts. But I either end up crying or I start throwing up like this afternoon for example. I was fine after seeing the doc for awhile, happily chatting wif my booboo online. Then after my lunch and shower...beLlllllllllllchHh, for another hr or so. This is frustrating me as much as it's being a bother to the people around me. :( I dun know why i feel it's such a torture to wake up and go thru the day, day after day, everyday until I am actually leaving for KL. Is this some phase? Rites of passage? @!#%$ On a happier note, I cant wait to see my booboo tomorrow. Hope it'll all clear up for sometime before I see him again the next time. Sighz. Why me, why now.

To Do

"Love comforteth like sunshine after rain". -William Shakespeare



After much psychological wrecking the past week, I have decided to tie up some loose ends. This is what I have been crooning the entire gloomy morning:

[Current]
- Tidy up my room, and possibly the outside area (it is the epitome of a typhoon-wrecked)
- Get pressies for dad, mum, and gran and more for my beloved sis *koff*
- Finish and send off daddy's Father's Day card
- Sort out my finances
- Abduct my huns :p
- Start packing
- Pack all unwashed hand-wash clothes to bring back for the maid to settle
- Hunt around for a good mask to use
- Stalk my crush #1 (hmmm)
- Find myself something or someone to keep me occupied on days of solitude.
- Eat healthy
- Ambush the university's examinations dept so I can go back earlier
- Study! (I nearly forgot)

[Future]
- Apply for my part-time job at some place..Guess?
- Get speakers for my lappie
- Decide on a design for my tattoo (IF)
- Convince booboo to get his daily 5 pack (for next sem)
- Assassinate any of daddy's antagonists (i.e. uncles)
- Look for 3-bedroom apartments in South Yarra
- Abduct Mrs Lard
- Invest in a more reliable thermometer and night light
- Learn to cook more dishes

..I guess that should be it for the mo., at least it shud keep me busy IF i do attempt to address all those mentioned on the list. I might just sit at my comp. staring blankly at the screen and my notes, preying on a victim to come online, or my booboo for dat matter too :) OR resort to what I was born to do best (apart from shopping and etc)

ZzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzz

Chocolates!

Here I sit, eating chocolate chips.
To quit eating chocolate, I need more than tips.
There are so many kinds of chocolate, it's hard to choose.
No matter which one you pick, you just can't lose.

Chocolate tastes so rich, and sweet, and sometimes smooth.
It can help make you feel better, or help your heartache sooth.
There are many chocolate drinks. Have some, just for fun --
cappuccino, chocolate milk, mocha & cocoa -- try more than one!

Where would I go...what would I ever do...without chocolate?
Nothing can compare. Not even one word rhymes with chocolate!
Do I take it for granted that I can always get more?
I could eat chocolate candies, by the score!

Is chocolate the eighth wonder? Is it a total delight?
Something you savor for so long? Or love with all your might?

I think I'm exhausted. But I'm not sure. I sadistically like it when I'm busy - If only I can find a punching bag around here. Coz it distracts me from all the horrible thoughts circling my mind which I shouldn't even cry over in the first place. Grow up stef. Spent the whole of yesterday morning/afternoon talking to my sis on the phone (thank goodness for handsfree) and spent the better part of yesterday nite revising after a lil session out with a friend. Not very productive I'd say.

Woke up this a.m. to Mrs Lard screeching over the phone "stwepphhh". Aargh perfect alarm. Had brekky with the girls at Max Brenner's. Chocolates. Chocolates. Chocolates. How I love thee. *squeal* Ahh another one of those nice girl-talk sessions, made perfect with the environment and chocolates ofcourse. :) Attempted to watch "So Close" again, this time with Edwin's mum. Sad, but not bad. All in all, another unproductive day in the life of Stephanie Yang.

To finish off, you guys all know me better than to not include anything on my booboo...yes? Bwahaha It's been 9 months of ups and downs. Yes yes, congratulations..a couple of months more and we can get married. Bahhh :p

Food for thought

I know the previous posts are "booboo this and booboo that", so I've decided to do a lil change in the theme, but mind you, it will pop back out very unanticipatedly and automatically too :p Anyhoo here are some queer facts I thought i'd share with you guys. Yes from the main topic of love to education. How boring LOL

Did you know that..

the most commonly used password on computer systems is "password"

banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories per hour

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump"

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

Coca-Cola was originally green?

The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.

A snail can sleep for 3 years

Females develop "penis envy" at the early stages of life, and finally

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law stating that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb haha

Enlightening eh? :)

Poor lamb

I am proud to announce that...I am done! With only 3 papers ofcourse. Sighz. One more to go, and I'll be back home in KL! Now that I think about it, tis not so bad of an idea coz for some reasons, I am developing bouts of depression which I honestly haf no idea where it originated from. Retail therapy didnt work either. Maybe only a temporary relief. Just so I can share my woes with the whole world once again, I fell sick on muh exam day which was er yesterday (I am THAT delirious that I was about to brush my teeth with my facial cleanser).

[a.m.]
Because of the nausea and the gripping pain in my head, I went to see the campus doc after my first paper which was probably inducing more pain on my sanity. After she heard my story, all she could say was "poor lamb...poor lamb". So I just lay there for like the next hour trying to get my consciousness back together so I could actually sit for the next paper which was in an hrs time. To cut it short, I got an MC which allowed me to apply for special consideration. Joy. But I was still feeling queasy.

[p.m.]
I stayed at michelle's place that night and thanx to her hospitality and edwin's mum, my "condition" improved a tad bit. I even for that damn sale at Myer..twice! Talk about stamina. By the time I got home i was half ready to pass out.

Today, I got my hair cut for $33 :p And halfway shopping at Myer for a surprise gift for my booboo, someone grabbed my ass! It was none other than my shweets. Talk about "surprise" man, and to think I wanted to surprise him with my new do, he had to beat me to it. I hate it when that happens..ALL the time. I guess it's the signals my brain sends out to him. Not to embarass myself or anything, I've only managed so successfully surprise him once whilst the rest of the million times were foiled! Pfft

Why students fail their exams?

Here's a little something I got off a mail from a friend.
Some of you might have already seen this before,
but..just for laughs :)

There are 52 Sundays in a year, which are rest days. Balance 313 days.
Summer holidays - 50 days (weather is very hot and difficult to study). Balance 263 days.
8 hours daily sleep - means 122 days. Balance 141 days.
1 hour for daily "time off" (good for health), 15 days. Balance 126 days.
Two hours daily for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat)i.e. 30days. Balance 96 days.
1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)- means 15 days. Balance 81 days.
Exam days per year at least 35 days. Balance 46 days.
Quarterly, Half yearly and festival holidays - 40 days. Balance 6 days.
For sickness at least 3 days. Balance 3 days.
Movies and functions at least 2 days. Balance 1 day.
And, that 1 day is your birthday.
Bottomline is, we have absolutely no time left to study.

On a different note, after finishing one paper today,
I feel alot has been taken off my shoulders but my biggest
obstacle is yet to come - tomorrow's pre-finale of TWO forkin'
papers. What a shithole. Oh oh oh, I know the majority of you are
sick of hearing me blab bout my huns but I'm gonna tell you newayz
that I finally got to see him today, after impatiently waiting
for DAYS! ...Sooooo happpeeeeee :) *squeal* xoxo

OMG

OMG! I cant believe what I have done to myself.
For the past week or so, I have named my blog
"Memoirs Of A Hypocrite" when I have actually
meant to put "Procrastinator"! Without actually realising it!
Call me blur or senile, i'm just gonna blame the pre-exam
traumas i'm experiencing - symptoms of possible dementia??!
@#%$! I, btw do not consider myself a hypocrite!
I guess I'll just leave it in the meantime till I find
a nicer title. Omg. Really. "Seek professional help".

Wtf?

Life is a pain in the buttocks. I am stressed shitless.
My zits are staging a comeback, after being stagnant for
decades. And, I developed a sudden craving for mummy's cooking.
And, my hun's salad, ham sandwich and red bean soup. I can
literally taste it at the tip of my frontal lobe. Yummmm.
Like wat on earth is wrong wif me? I shouldn't even be typing
shit on this blog! I guess some can say the reason of blogs is
to make up for the lack of socialising or studying in my case.
LOL. Sad. I have one paper tomorrow, followed by TWO more the
next day. Pity pity pity. Cry, I will. My university is probably
the only one around without a study break. Darn thing.
But I guess after this, in between preparing for my last paper,
I can devote my time to stalking my crush #1 (Lee Yu-Jin), who's
such a cutie! *drOoL* Who, i wont mind marrying as well bwahaha

"Diner Fin"

Had dinner with the girls yesterday at my place. Together, we whipped up some pretty good food which I havent had the time/opportunity to do so for quite awhile since I came back to my own place.

Let me impart to you, my dear readers, what the menu for the night was:

Charbroiled" garlic buttered carrots.
Sauteed onions with a tinge of honey bbq sauce.

Chicken casserole topped with a layer of smooth
butter-rich mashed potatoes, slices of hard-boiled eggs,
with grated cheese grilled to perfection.

Green bean sago soup.
Coconut agar-agar.

Pas mauvais eh? :)

As for today, i spent the whole afternoon at the state library by myself,trying to cram in more information, together with the rest of the student population who will only fill up the place at this time of the year. Took me 10mins to find a place to sit. Pfft. Oh, and here's the "highlight" of the day. Apart from the peaceful strike outside the library on saving the environment, and the fact that I donated 5 cents (no i'm not a cheapskate but i had no more coins)...There was this nice chap next to me who had to suddenly pop a very ludicrous question. Here's the convo:

Guy: Hi, do you happen to be one of the girls at the last Japan GT?
Me: (to which i politely replied) Er...
..and before I cud even say anything, he thought I didnt understand what he said, so..
Guy: You know..GT..zoom zoom..fast fast cars..
Me: I do know what Japan GT is and no I was not one of the girls at the race track. Sorry.
Guy: Really? But you look so much like the one I took a picture with.
Me: *raise one eyebrow* *fake smile* Dunno. Sorry, can't help you there.

Like seriously man. And to think the only persistent people on this earth are salespeople, there's an emergence of a new breed at the state library. Ish.

Soul of Music

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I wanna get down, I'm a red blooded woman,
what's the point in hanging round,
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you.
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?
And I love what you do
Hold me and control me and then,
Melt me slowly down
Like chocolate, Tastes so good,
My heart's been mended who'd have thought it would,
An empty bet and still I won the cash,
A man who I love and who, loves me back
Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side
I'd give my all
For your love tonight
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

f.r.i.e.n.d.s

I feel very emotional today. And it's friggin ticking me orf.
Anyways, there's this wunnerful darling (apart from my huns)
who's known as Mrs Lard aka Michelle Gho. Because she
heard i was shick, she came over with a bottle of barley and
Vit C's for me. Awwwww, wat a shweetie. I do love her, and she
is a genius in her own right. But hell, her sarcastic humour
can put the devil to shame :p All in all, thanx for coming overr
and pushing my sanity off the cliff hehe jk It feels good to
know that there are friends, like her, who make life oh so wunnerful.
Her and elv both. :)

90°

I'm stressed. Overly stressed. And I'm sick.
Not exactly 90°, more like 100°F, but it's more
eye-catching that way. I guess. Sheitz.
Cant afford to be sick! Not now!
And to top it off, my legs cramped up whilst
walking along the platform at the train station
this afternoon, much to the delight of the bloke
behind me who came to my "rescue". Bah.
Utter embarassment I swear.

What a friggin bad combo. Times like these, really makes you think.
I mean, not that other times I dun think. It just sheds more light on it!
And value the ones by your side. Yes hun, I miss you coz you did
such a good job of looking after me. And yes, I'm very much spoilt
by my huns too. *aww*

Oh wellz, one has to be more independent.
It is things like these which makes you stronger,
AND not take anyone for granted.
(No booboo I dun take you for granted)
Sighz. Back to more cramming into that already
ready-to-pop-anytime brain of mine.
C'est la vie...

Eye See You

As if we needed help making fools of ourselves, the Internet has taken this all-too-human propensity and turbocharged it, magnifying our missteps and screw-ups in ways no one could have imagined just a few years ago. What once were quietly embarrassing events — you name it — now are given a public currency that mortifies.

What am I rambling on about? Wait. Lemme finish making my point. It's bad enough when willful stupidity becomes a personal Chernobyl. But it's even worse when the victim truly is a victim, someone laid low not by a lapse in his or her own judgment but through the bad or careless intentions of someone else.

How does that happen, you ask?

Enter the cell phone camera, a device that not so long ago could have existed only in the fecund imagination of Q, supreme gadgeteer and outfitter of James Bond and other denizens of Her Majesty's Secret Service. Easily concealed, innocuous looking — it's main purpose is not as a camera, after all — the camera phone is becoming known more for its misuse than use. Thanks to the bunch of sick, no-life, @3$!#$#@ out there!

I'm just raging over this issue because, well personal reasons. God knows who's taking pix of my...or anybody's bum for dat matter, up and above escalators, at the train stations etc. TSK TSK!

Timeless Tales

The wheels on the bus
go round and round,
round and round...
...early in the morning

[11:55]
Well, it was meant to be "all through the town" but it WAS
pretty early in the a.m. Dragged my fat bum up at 9.15 to have
breakfast with my teddy. Took a 45min bus ride round and round,
to his uni at the outskirts, away from civilisation.
All in the name of love.

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

[14:08]
Indeedy crying's not for me.
Finally got to get some "attempted" studying done.
It's raining. It's gloomy. It's miserable. Sighz.
Drenches my mood, really.
Sharing a brollie wif my teddy under the rain.
Quite romantic some would say. Sighz.
Oh, I had curry and nan for lunch for the
first time since I got here! :o

Don't leave
Don't leave me hun
Please stay with me tonight
Don't leave me hun
Please stay with me to..

[18:36]
Back home. Back to the reality of life.
Back to the books.

10 Things You Do Not Know About Me

1) Just to clear the records, i am NOT any of the below :-
-Sloppy
-Handy
-Influential
-Patriotic

2) I can NOT stay home alone, let alone sleep in the dark alone.

3) Yes, I WALK!

4) I am NOT a spoilt brat. I'm just daddy's girl. (This is related to #3)

5) I am no party animal. I'm a social activist.

6) I lead an extraordinary life and therefore, I will only fall in love with someone extraordinary (i.e. my teddy)

7) I have a habit of collecting junk (which I still stand by my argument that it will someday come in useful. Hmmph!)

8) I have a very poor memory, which defects my hearing sometimes LOL

9) I am NOT Vietnamese, Indonesian, Chindian or Malay. I am Chinese/Japanese + god knows what my dad is.

10) I am a loyal, passionate lover (naive too sometimes)...and i love my shweets :p