Happy endings, shmappy endings

It came to my attention, recently, that some nursery schools in the UK have changed the opening line of "Baa, baa, black sheep" to "Baa, baa, rainbow sheep" (so as not to offend anyone)!! In the beginning, I really couldnt bring myself to believe it, I mean, it did, after all, come from just one source. But after reading it again in the paper...I was stunned. Completely flabbergastedly gobsmacked I was. This is really political correctness taken to the extreme. Never have I, in my 22 years heard of such ludicrousity, if there's even such a word :p

How can people even think it has racist elements? So i guess in the near future, we will have to outlaw the words blackmail, blacktie, blacklist, black cloud, and ah, my fave...blackberries (though I still think it's too cute a name for something so not cute). And it's not just poor ol baa baa the black sheep...even Humpty Dumpty wasnt let off the hook. Apparently it was too sad for some poor sodding kids that people had to give him a happily ever after ending.

Stuff and nonsense! A little pain and suffering wont hurt anyone. Look where it got me. I'm still delirious as ever.

o_O

Hold on. Ok, nevermind. My point is that, if kids arent given some nasty insight into the cruel realities of this world, then they are in for some shocking experience when they step out of the front gate, away from their comfort zone, THEN we'll see who needs counselling. Like some fatso said, it's good character building! I used to think humpty clumsy got wat he deserved, albeit the cute fat overgrown bit, he is, still an oversized egg who didnt think twice about perching himself atop a wall. Maybe I was just a sadistic brat. But I know alot of ppl agreed with me too!

Then there was also the ol woman in the shoe. Apparently, child abuse charges have been brought against the poor ol dame so, instead of whipping their sorry asses, she kisses her children sweetly before sending them to bed, without broth (which, I suspect her therapist is working on too).

BAH HUMBUG!

By the time my great gran kids are reading this nursery rhyme, the shoe children will probably be eating lobster thermidore (my fave food), with lobster bisque, with garlic herbed foccccia bread and living in a luxury Prada boot, replete with PS7 and plasma tv's. What next? The critics will claim that their eating and socialising activities are reflective of couch potatoes which are a threat to one's well-being and upbringing, which might result in obesity, hence...there shouldn't be nursery rhymes anymore.

At all costs, everyone must live happily ever after.

I'll tell you what i think. These psychological morons ARE the baa baa black sheeps of us SANE psychologists who DO have better things to do than to worry about saving the world from the plaque of nursery rhymes.

Oh and one more thing on the subject of happily ever after.

This shit of a newspaper (called THE STAR) HAD to ruin my day by telling me that Marissa Cooper dies in the third (and final) season of the OC. Hello you DIPSHIT of a motherfucka! Do you NOT stay in msia where everything is oh-so-slow-than-my-grandmothers-tortoise?! The OC Season 3 isnt even screened here, and here I am, halfway through, enjoying my episodes stolen off Fox TV.com, and they HAD to...THEY JUST FUCKING HAD TO TELL ALL HOW IT ENDED! So much for my happy ending! It would have been "my" ending to savour if it were not for the thoughtless act of some dickhead living in a timewarp writing for this newspaper. Is he (or she, without being sexist), too, out to save the world from such evil twists of fate? Wait till I get my M16s on you punk.

Have a happy delirious week folks. I'm out to hunt some morons. >_<

Delirious Contribution #1

Look at all those people. All going to work to process food, produce electricity, build shopping malls, manufacture air-conditioners and so on. All just for me. I'd thank them individually, but they know who they are. Lalalalala :p

Ole! Ole! Ole!

World cup! World cup! The world is going insane. And I am not. :p The only reason I ever knew about the existence of Man U was...David Beckham. Beckhhhhhamm *screams* Squeaky voice he has, but hot bod he has too yumm. lol Sure i'm no genuine soccer fan, I know nuts about the game, let alone the World Cup (ok maybe alot better now compared to 6 years ago) - but if I cant appreciate the game, I might as well appreciate the players right? *smiles innocently* So there's Beckhhammmmmmmm, then there's Cristiano Ronaldo (have you seen him in a tux, better still without his shirt on?!), Michael Owen, Jose Antonio Reyes (what smouldering eyes!)..oh oh! Kakaaaaa, who's looks are as awesome as his footie-skills. I thought Hidetoshi Nakata ish not bad too coz he's the most stylish Asian footballer ever. But he does look a tad bit too old for me. Style is def one thing, and lust is def another :p Then again, who needs soccer hunks when I have Chad Michael Murray...or Edison Chen? Bwhahahaha.

P/S Today, the great vain one declares this week and next, from today henceforth to be "Delirium Week", in honour of those who were, and who are still. Martini glasses up! Kippis! :)

A bit of this here and there

I know I will eventually neglect my blog :p lol Well, i didnt exactly neglect my esteemed duties, just that...well, you see, my beloved darling crashed (my trusty laptop) and without it, I just dun feel quite inspired to rant on and on. Besides, as with the usual story, all my fantabulous entries come out to play at night just secs before I wander off into LalaLand, and when i wake up in the a.m., I swear...nothing pops up. Its so sodding griping. According to my mum, I've been suffering from this predicament of, yet another disease since I dangled myself from a rambutan tree - AAADD (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder). Must have been some pretty hard bump on the noggin. Bwahaha yet another disease :p

When i say "age activated", I dont mean to suggest that i AM suffering from some sorta old-age disorder aight. It's one thing when I openly admit, AND accept that fact that I have some sorta compulsive disorder and that I'm very much an "onion-maniac"...But it's another when I hafta admit that i'm aging. I refuse to call myself an old...the f word is forbidden here.

..FART! (WTF?! I'm schizo too?!)

Maybe i shud embrace this? Then again there's alot of older (and olderer) farts out there. We shud be part of this glam society...the OFA!

The OFA unite!

We stand above all others,
We shall not be outdone...
In striving for the beeeeesssttt
No hardshipp shall we shhh... *music stops*

Oops, that was my school anthem. LOL I used to remember those glory days when I was part of this brat association. Oops again, i meant "prestigious" school, and we used to sing the school song every morning during assembly. I did wear my badge in pride, until I became a prefect, who wouldnt wear her tie with pride. :p

About a month ago, they were playing "God Save the Queen" during the Queen's birthday (Queen E of England), i stood up and sang with pride, and got all emo (i finally found another use for this word).

I am soooo in denial.

It's either I'm living in a time warp, or as my dad put it, the hoe (of hoeggarden) really got to me. This doesnt constitute as treason does it?!! *looks around suspiciously*

Anyhow, one more last rant before I head off to LalaLand and think of yet another exciting episode to confabulate :p Last month, one of my credit cards cannot be used! It was rejected!! TWICE! How embarrassing is that?!! As mush and I were discussing, I realized, too, that it MUST be one of our parent's master plans...I see all the pieces coming together. Yup yup yup. First they stuff us silly with Ben & Jerry's (they keep em comin every weekend!) so we're all fat and obese, and they cut our credit cards so we're swimming in pools of debt...and because of all these, we will never want to leave home! Oh the pity of it all.

One word

If ever, I need just one word that sums up wot kinda person the OverlyGorgeousOne is...it will be

onio·ma·nia (pronounced "O-nE-O-'mA-nE-&)

Yup. It's sad but true. Plagued by such a monstrous disease. So young so young.

The Supermarket Incident

There was a sale. At the local supermarket :p It was the last day too! My sister and I went berzzzerk. Obviously, first things, first. The ice-cream section. Without hesitating, we picked up, ANOTHER Ben & Jerry's, and...drumroll please, Bulla's boysenberry sticks with a yoghurt coating...or wassit white choco?!!! I swear, we have some insatiably crazy expensive taste. We ran screaming to our beloved mother.

How much?

We looked at each other, o_O, and up at the sign. 5% Mommmmyyy. :p It's still a saving!

It's evil i tell you. What they're doing at the supermarket. Trying to con us innocent minds. And so, dear readers, we had to admit we fell prey whilst our mother (and father) just shook their heads, wondering what they ever did wrong in life. Hee :)

It's all because of...IT!

It was a perfect evening to sit on the verandah and absorb onself in a good book. There, she sat, with her legs propped up on the table. Buried behind those pink covers. Putting her book down occasionally, to, narrow her eyes, and glare maliciously at the brats screaming around like hooligans playing tag.

And then, suddenly, without warning, it happened.

She let out a small, soft burp.

And then, five seconds later, it happened again. This time, it was a deafening, outright, clearly reverberated burp that lasted a whopping 2 seconds. A gust of wind blew. A brat stopped in his tracks. He caught a sniff of the air. His face turned green.

She watched, with a grin. Chicken. Onions. Durian...yes...DURIANSS!

Ah, silent defeat. That should stop some unneccessary screaming now. But no. The brat, turned and ran towards his mum "Mummy i smell durian, I want some!!"

And again, it happened! She let out, yet another earth-shattering burp. This time, all eyes peeled the room for the culprit. Including that small brat. She sat, hiding behind those pink covers. She blames it on all those years of suffering from a compulsive disorder of shopping. Now, if they didnt have those nice little signs showing 50-70% off, she wouldnt be having constant panic attacks. They should list shopping as a cardiovascular activity, really. Because, if she didnt suffer so much panic attacks and heart problems, her gastro-endro-wateverthro system wudnt be so screwed up, and she wouldnt hafta suffer life as a walking burping machine. Then again, it could have just been the durians. It probably was. :p

123456!!!

Enter the year 2006...yes i know that happened many moonths ago. Something's supecial is a happening!!! Yup yup yup! For the few of us, it's that important transition in our lives. Then there were some who got married. Then there were some who got divorced too. Then there's that nice sparkly shining oh-how-i-love-diamonds Starwalker pen by Mont Blanc which will only happen every 100 years. Can you imagine?!! A floating diamondddd??! Platinum barrel with a 18K white gold nib??? *eyes widen* Ok ok so I'm trailing off. Bah humbugs!

Then there's that special moment, which only happens once every hundred years (yes again)...

01:02:03:04:05:06

The first hour (after midnight), second minute, third second, of the forth of may (this year doh). I only JUST realized how cool it was! Well, after the reading newspaper that is :p So Cool Can Die Dot Com! Hah, there I go again. ^_^ So those of you who are still contemplating to do what you wanted to do but couldnt find the guts to, maybe now...or then would be a good time? Iylia, here's ur chance! Haha, ofcourse, not against your better judgement :p I'll be flying off to Japan/Korea on that day. Oh how i wish. LOL To those of you who'd like to propose to me *koff* it WOULD be a good time to send those proposals in, and dont forget the lavish gift offerings bwahahaha oh, am I delirious as ever.

So Hot Can Die Dot Com

The birth of the Internet has spurred a many things, paving the path for endless opportunities. It has spurred new trends, new ways of enhancing our lives...one can say it has dramatically changed every aspect of our lives. Heck, it has even affected the way people speak.

During the time I was away from this land I call Dullsville, people have started incorporating DOT COM's to everything...and i mean EVERYTHING. Even Ali from the mamak has an online site. Fancy cow. And there's those people who simply cannot finish their sentences without using the words DOT COM.

Sooooo annoying can die dot com I tell you :p

Take, for example, colleague IThinkMyHairisHot, during a staff meeting, "That was damn cool man. I told him, but he never wanted to listen to me wan. He is another case of those Stupid-Until-Can-Die-Dot-Com"

Then, a few hours later, just before we got off work, another colleague IThinkImHotterThanTheOneWhoThinksHerHairIsHot said to me "Eh you going for drinks later? I dont think I can make it man. I prolly have to stay home, So-Much-Work-Until-Can-Die-Dot-Com..man! Wahlow, damn siao."

I'm probably slow to catch on this phase, but hey, better late than never! And boy is it hard to effortlessly sound like one.

*sighs*

This afternoon, because I am such a filial *koff* good daughter, I braved the scorching heat to pick my mum up from BSC where she was having tea with her friends. Since the Missus takes twice as long as usual, I decided to park the car, and pop in to Cold Storage for some groceries. There I was frolicking around, looking for mustard, and then, lo and behold...I see, with my little eyes, THE VERY LAST BOTTLE OF WHOLE GRAIN MUSTARD...on the top shelf!!

There I was, jumping up and down trying to reach it. And then, suddenly, out of nowhere, I got a good whiff of mMMmmmm manly cologne! I swear I nearly dropped the bottle of gerkins onto myself. I turned around to smack myself into the chest of this tall white guy. Well, he was half white, half chinese. Ahhh. (I wonder what he was doing so near behind me...??) I was hoping my nose would bleed on that impact so I could feign...distress. But, it didnt >_<

I tried to smile nicely at him, without tryin to show I was too embarrassed, or that I was intoxicated by his eau de toilette. :p He offered to reach for the mustard, for me....Aww. I felt like I was Jen Aniston in that Heineken ad, except this time, the guy's alot cuter and he didnt steal it from me. :p

Oh oh oh!

So cute can die dot com. I'm getting the hang of this!

I'm on a roll today I tell ya. Haha my nose is blocked now (hence brain blockage), so I cant type anymore. And the horrid friggin weather isnt helping at all. $#%#!#^!@